my upcoming year in cambodia.

oh i know these have been traumatic postings as of late, they just reflect my fear of this huge unknown, talk about a great leap. and it would help if i felt better but i'm still sick ( body BODY ). strange
dreams. trains. futuristic.
forgetting bags.
forgetting everything.
i did not have dreams like this before anything i've ever done before, marriage, leaving home at 11 didn't bother me one bit. this, on the other hand...well. i'm sure it'll be fine. i was looking at photo's i took last year while in the country. they are beautiful. the work will be hard. people say rewarding. actually i doubt that. frustrating and at times awful i would say. the work part i know. dealing with human suffering is the same the world over. it's the scale of it that terrifies me now. and the responsibility. i have lots of people with way more skills than me to rely on here. i can't deliver babies, do surgery, diagnose tropical disease, cure meningitis without drugs, feed the starving, cure HIV, cure TB, put a leg back on a child blown off that morning by a landmine...

yeah. that's me. with some of my paintings. the two on the left are called

immortal (perishable)

perishable (immortal)

i painted them for my dad, who died in july.
i'm going to cambodia to do medical work. yup. that's about it.
happy new year.
may 2007 be wonderous for all.

who me?

fear?

you could just kinda see this one coming...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg8mZKbUzwE

la petite princess

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5D0clGqGbw&NR

this spam came under the title aA
it's quite pretty:
don't worry
i won't link

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=

if you don't cry

maybe some kc and sunshine?

when cusping on a long existentially all encompassing overwhelming journey is it wise to upload all of elliott smith's truly gloriously tortured anthology into your new gleamy white macbook, for those moments of fleeting electricity and total angst?

OOPs

perhaps while there
i shall
look back
turn into salt
and become

encephalopathic

• not telepathic
• not anachronistic
• not shiva

bbbbbbhave
nor shiver
bbbbbbhive
rubbed
rubbed

bitten sized
counting minutes now rather than days
counting

this whole site is nice. click it. existential
cowboy nicer i think but this'll get u
there just fine...
somehow got from lsd experiment googling
to this without finding out anything about the original inquest
but i'm feeling rather otherworldly
at present.
encephalopathic even.

there was third option

current options

sleep
vomit

degas move

:::

hmm

oddly enough
i have not been able
to find one single soul
who posts
or does ANYTHING frankly
for that matter
in webding

well, i'll be darned!

i'm posting an e-mail i just received

at first i thought it was just a silly spammy thing ,
and then i though
wait. no.
this is from someone you know
although we have never met
i have his word.
q: shall i be so changed, so wise, so sad
when i wish you a happy new year
next year


in it's entirety:

Some words for the passing 2006 and coming 2007
My Dear Friends there: How are your 2006s?
Before receiving your answer, I think most of you will
feel it runs away so fast! I think even our God might
feel shocked when he hosted his Christmas Banquet on
24th. That might be the reason to cause the earthquake
in the Taiwan Channel in these days and broke the
internet connection of the world, which I think he
might want to stop the spinning of the earth.disliking
to accept the coming of 2007. 

Me too!!! If I could, I do hope I could stop the time,
or at least slow it down.which will give me more time
to think about the passing 2006 of mine... In 2006,

after I finally left my mother hospital which
I had worked and studied for about 10 years, I worked
in an International Health Center in Cambodia, where I
first experienced the feeling of loneliness, being
cheated, isolated, where I also first witnessed the
power of poverty, the darkness of a poor city under
the tropical sunshine, though there were lots of fancy
cars horning on their narrow and disorder streets and
big houses decorated with golden shinning painting.

In 2006, in Cambodia, which was a richest country in
last 50s, I spent 7 months and tried to do something
good for people there, but I think I failed in what I
had planned.Cambodia.

But anyhow, meanwhile, I also gained a lot from some
people who I met and worked altogether: I will never
forget the pure lovely smile of the kids
shuttling among the foreign tourists, working in the
rural fields, climbing up to pick up the coconuts,
swimming in the river to catch up the fishes.I will
never forget the kindly smile of the monks, nuns, who
shared their herbal tea with me, who meditated with
me, who prayed for me and their people.I will never
forget the scenes working in the hospitals in PhnomPenh,
so many death and birth at the same time because
of the poverty.I will never forget our medical,
engineering, nursing students and our local staff
working in the countryside bringing people there with
their love, passion, care, knowledge and support.I did
wish with the support from our medical, engineering
and nursing students, we could do more.

Now, I am back my home, living with clean water, good
food, electricity, air-condition, TV, internet, mobilephone,
friends, family, I do appreciate what I have
owned.which I ignored.

But.life is full of dilemmas, which is very similar as
a famous Chinese Novel described.people who live
inside of the city want to move out of city, while the
people who live outside of the city wan to move into
the city.I think now I am also preparing for my next
journey.while sometimes I do feel kind of feeling
that.where I am.but luckily I know who I am at least.a
person who might be too idealistic.

And, I would like to be a pioneer.going forward to
approaching my belief, to be a bridge between the
eastern and western.or to be a good actor on my
platform which I have been searching and working for
many years.Life is a bridge, go across it, but not try to build
up a house on it; Life is a performance, but before that you have to
learn how to perform, and after that you have to learn
how to share with the others and learn from each
other.

Soon, we will have to put the new calendar of 2007 on
our desk, no matter how much we miss our 2006, before
that, I do wish all of my dear friends, who have
supported me from different aspects.I do want to thank
you a lot from the bottom of my heart, because,
without you, I can not reach to this point, without
you, I can not reach higher.I still believe and love this song.
one day I will fly
and touch the sky.
I do wish all my dear friends will
have your dream and believes come to be true. Happy New 2007 with good health and peace, and wealth
of the material and spiritual. Warmest regards

From your sincerely
Ah Wei

decoder ring

" but who can read webding? "...and she laughed at me and said NO-ONE SILLY...

i bet if i google this somebody out there does this.
poor sods.
there is something to this though
pattern recognition.
etc.

there is! stop that!