it's fear

fear i shall come to no good, that the journey will be too much for me, that i will not be able to create, that just as my friend will lose his hands on his journey, that i shall lose my brave face, my dignity, my reasonably intact body and brain ( yeah, i do in fact have a reasonably intact brain, i really d0 ) and it's all piling out gushing out onto this computer screen...just in case i don't come back...i better put some of this stuff down. it's in here. lots. too much. made me most crazy all these years, i bet.

and fear? it is better that what i was doing before.